2021, I Hate You Already (+ a Reading, Blogging and Failing-at-Stuff Update)

💚 Hello sweeties,

so, as I promised, here's the recap of my recent health issues, plus a reading/blogging update, because I've been...erratic in my blogging lately (not when it comes to consistency, but absolutely so when it comes to content), and I wanted you to know why. I'm also adding a small life update (non health-related) for good measure. Sorry if you have already read my previous posts (or tweets) about my health debacle and you'll hear the same story twice (sometimes with the very same words, because I don't feel like writing everything down from scratch). Here goes...

On December 31st (because I have good timing), I develop an ache under my right shoulder blade. At first an anti-inflammatory med seems to keep it at bay, but then it comes back with a vengeance - it hurts like hell to breath. At the E.R., they give me some paracetamol and do bloodwork, an EKG and an x-ray. They do see a shadow of sorts where my 5th rib is, but since in the meantime the pain has receded a bit, they send me home advising me to get a CAT scan. Knowing what I know now, I can't believe they patched me home like that without doing the scan themselves...

On Jan 4th, I have the most horrible experience. After dinner, I suddenly develop fever symptoms and start shaking so badly that I take some paracetamol and go straight to bed without even checking my temp, because I'm feeling so awful I can't even get to my thermometer - let alone handle it. I'm shaking like a house in a earthquake and my teeth are clattering. After a while, the med kicks in, and I start feeling like a human being again. It's then that I finally manage to check my temp, and it's at 38°C...that is, 100°F. So, it must have been at least at 40 (104) before. Of course I start to worry about the damned Covid, because that's what you do. Anyhow, my temp keeps lowering, and by the hour I go to sleep it's at 36℃ (96.800℉). (For the record: my doctor will request a Covid swap later, that thankfully will come out negative. To date, the reason for the fever spike is still unknown).

On Jan 7th, I'm finally able to go to my doctor's (it's taken so long because getting an appointment has become increasingly tricky lately, what with the Covid situation - plus January 6th is a national holiday), and she requests the CAT scan. I go in on January 18th (if you wish, I can explain to you how our sanitary system works...or doesn't work...but I'll stick to the most important facts for now. Let's just say, I'm lucky that my husband works as a switchboard operator for the local hospital and can ask a favour or two when push comes to shove, or I would have had to travel to another hospital more than 50 miles away to get a simple scan, because ours has been working at limited capacity for a while now). Less than an hour after the exam, the doctor in charge calls me to say he saw the remainders of a pulmonary embolism, and advises me to go back to the E.R. that very afternoon for further exams. After those, the E.R. doctor (a different one than the asshole who wasn't able to recognise my problem on the 31st) says I'm in good shape and at very low risk, but orders yet more exams to identify the cause of my embolism (a doppler ultrasound and a cardiologic visit among them), and sends me home with blood thinners (shots), antibiotics and cortisone.

On January 26th, I take the doppler, which points out a deep vein thrombosis in my left leg - the reason for my embolism. I then recall that, a few weeks before, I had a funny ache in that very leg, which I dismissed as a muscle strain, because what do I know. It only lasted for 3 or 4 days anyway, and my leg wasn't swollen or anything...However, the doctor who performed the doppler refers me to the E.R. doctor who saw me on the 18th, who orders more exams and gives me different, specific blood thinners (pills), which I'm supposed to take for a whole year. I go back to the E.R. the night after for more tests, and the very next day I get a second EKG and an echocardiogram, which luckily show I have a normally-functioning heart.

I have new bloodwork on February 4th, to rule out tumor markers. The test comes back negative - if you don't count the lymphocytosis (chronic lymphocytic leukaemia) I've been suffering from for 15 years now, which is getting exponentially worse (one day I'll tell you about that, too - anyhow, as of today, I've only had regular checkups and no therapy, because it hadn't gotten to the point where it should be treated. But it looks like we're getting there now, because of course, just what I needed 😫). Now I have a second doppler booked for February 23rd, to see how my thrombosis is evolving - and I'll have to take another one in June, for the doctors to adjust my therapy if needed. Plus new bloodwork in two weeks to see how the lymphocytosis is faring - the numbers MIGHT go down, because that's how this illness works...but they have almost doubled in a month and a half, and now I'm scared of maybe having to start therapy for it soon, too 😢.

So...this is how I said goodbye to the already disastrous 2020 and rang in 2021. Just peachy, huh?

In other news...

📚 Reading. ALL the books I ordered arrived, even the two that couldn't be located at first (the vendor made a second attempt and it worked out well! I can't believe it! I've been wanting to read And All The Stars by Andrea K. Höst and Dead in Time by Anna Reith for AGES. Only good piece of news of the year so far...). I've read all the Seanan McGuire/Mira Grant ones so far, and while Into the Drowning Deep was "bloody" excellent (ha!), the other two (Across the Green Grass Fields and Over the Woodward Wall) were nice, but not special. I'm also waiting on a surprise package from my lovely friend Carrie, who generously decided to buy me a couple of second-hand, otherwise unobtainable Christopher Pike books for Christmas, except they're still in mail limbo. Speaking of books...

📝 Blogging. ...I've been requesting a bunch of titles from NetGalley/Edelweiss (mostly before the medical nightmare began), and I'm probably lucky that I only got a handful. What with my health concerns and all the other real-life issues, I've been stuck on the same review for weeks (and here it's a book I loved). As of now, I have 2 books I've already read to draft a review for, and 2 more I haven't opened yet because I need to review the other ones first. The reading part goes wonderfully...until I have to set to work on a review. I'm tired, unfocused, and the days seem to fly without me accomplishing nothing. And...I'll have to make peace with the fact that I won't be able to read all these books twice before I review them 😥. Also, I wanted to apologise if my content has been less appealing than usual (I mean, is my "usual" appealing? LOL) lately. I know that very few of my regular readers like sci-fi, plus my blog is supposed to be a YA one, except these latest weeks I've been approved for a number of sci-fi AND adult books and very little else (and believe me, I DID request a number of YA titles). Also, most of them are coming out in a short time span, so I have to review them back to back, which explains why Offbeat YA has turned into an adult speculative fiction blog lately 😂. Sorry about that - it's only temporary though!

😫 Failing. Since I started working regularly again, I've been falling behind on everything - especially during all the medical appointment frenzy, but not only. Monday to Friday I try to survive and I put aside all the stuff that doesn't fit for the weekend...except the weekend is never going to be long enough for half of it to get done. Also, don't get me started on my supposed "studies" for the infamous 2022 public examination. I barely started READING the source material, and it goes over my head - not to mention, the last weekend of January I didn't read a single page of it, because I was sick and tired of all the medical drama and I didn't feel like poisoning my only two free days with "municipal accounting and financial order" on top of everything - and the first two weekends of February I did very little because I had errands. Here I should be studying like a madwoman if I want to stand a chance...and yet 😟. The truth is, I don't think I can make it - and yet I desperately need to make it. But I'm too old and tired and my life is too messed up. Studying for a public examination is for the young and the free, the ones who don't have a disabled husband and a bunch of medical problems and a house that's falling apart at the seams - and well, a blog they need to keep alive because it's the only good thing in their life, but they struggle to because of the aforementioned things. Too much stuff on my plate, and I'm 54. I'm only fooling myself.

Please forgive me for this depressing post, but sometimes you just need to vent out and...basically, you can't help it. I'll try to crawl out of this hole of despair, I swear. In the meantime, brace yourself for a couple more adult sci-fi book reviews (sorry - I still love you! 😘), and if you can hold on tight until March, bloggy things will start getting back on track by then. OK, so, this is it. And thank you for listening...believe me, it means a lot 💚.