Welcome to the Quotes Room S-Z and #.
"It's such a pleasure to write down splendid words -
almost as though one were inventing them".
(Rupert Hart-Davis)
WARNING: POSSIBLE SPOILERS AHEAD!
S
► They speculate that I was chosen because I'm unmarried and childless, and is it even fair to make a decision based on a lifestyle choice they all suspect is unnatural anyway, and they argue whether it's ethical to send a woman into space for so long with the radiation and risk of infertility, but I don't care, I don't care, I'm too busy to care in the months before the launch, too busy to do more than endure their stupid questions and give carefully vetted replies, firm, quotable, sharp but not offensive, never offensive, and I always smile, and then there are preliminary tests, and there is lift-off, and in the final moments of the countdown I wow not to look back, not even a glance, not until the earth is no more than a distant blue speck I don't know that I'll ever see again.
I am what I remember, I told myself. I am what I think. How I think.
And all that was bits of electronic data, coded into a computer. It didn't matter if the data was in my head or on a server. It didn't matter which head the data was in, or how many times it had been duplicated. Maybe I wasn't an exact copy of the old Lia Kahn, because you always lost something going from analog to digital, from org to mech. But the next me would be just as mechanical as this one. The next me would be a perfect replication. The next me would be me.
► Just us. Not machines built by human hands, not minds whirring with data. Not eyes that didn't blink or hearts that didn't beat. Not bodies that didn't move the way bodies were supposed to move, not skin that didn't feel the way skin was supposed to feel. Not something ugly, not something wrong.
Just him, his arms, strong. His skin, soft. His lips, cold. His eyes on my body, not turning away.
Just me, folded up in his arms. The sensation of his hands, the pressure, the temperature, the properties of closeness, the elements of touch, not like it used to be - not like it mattered.
Not pain, not passion, not abandon. Just a promise.
Just us.
► Natural is hell, I'd preached to the mech recruits, believing every word, willing myself to believe, and here it was pinned beneath me, words made real. And here, beneath me, the corollary I'd willed myself to forget: Natural is hell. But hell is life.
► If someone asked me to draw anything right now, I wouldn't be able to do it. My hands do not work. [...]
My hands ran out of art.
I am simply Umbrella. I am the layer between the light rain and a human walking down Spruce Street talking into her phone, maybe finding out her cat just threw up on the new Berber carpet. I am the barrier between the bullshit that falls from the sky and the humans who do not want bullshit on their pantsuit. In eight days of riding around, that's what I've discovered. It's raining bullshit. Probably all the time.
► Here's what I think. I think we're really smart when we're young. Ten-year-old Sarah is smarter than I am because I'm six years older. Twenty-three-year-old Sarah is dumber than me because I'm sixteen. [...] If I could be anyone for the rest of my life, I would be a little kid.
► Twenty-three-year-old Sarah is sarcastic because she doesn't take me seriously. I'm a sixteen-year-old girl. Silly and dramatic. Pretty much nobody on Earth takes me seriously. And yet, on the inside I know there is something wrong enough that someone should be taking it seriously. Maybe it starts with me. Maybe I have to take it seriously first.
► The Social showed me I was fine every time I logged on. Everyone else groaning about their colds, their grades, their parents, their stomach flu [...].
On the Social, there is no such thing as an original idea. Not even about original ideas.
On the Social, it's raining bullshit.
By the time I got to high school I got this rush of adrenaline every time I posted and then I'd erase the post before anyone could see it. [...] Even back then, before I knew it rained bullshit, before the art club fissure, before the pear, I couldn't tell if I was funny or not. Even back then, I knew I was sitting too still to be an artist and I doubted the whole trick. That's what I saw. A trick. Every time I logged on I felt duped into having to be a snowflake.
► I feel this burr in my chest, right behind the top of my sternum. It's where my tears live. They never come out. Maybe my muse is there, too. Stuck on a burr in my sternum.
► "Good," they [Sarah's parents] say in unison. And then they look annoyed that they said something in unison. Then they fake smile at each other, but I'm starting to understand that smiling is really just another way of baring one's teeth.
► [Sarah's mum:] Chet isn't here. Chet was never here. I married him when I didn't fully understand how he would disappear because he only knew the men he saw around him. Abusive father. The sportscasters on the TV. The annoying weatherman on CBS. The guys he works with who watch porn all weekend.
He says, "At least I don't hit you."
He says, "At least I'm not jerking off to porn."
He says, "I wish I could show you how much I love you."
I wish he could, too. If the weatherman just shrugged all the time, would anyone know what the weather was going to be? Would he say, "I wish I could tell you what the weather could be," and still manage to keep his job?
► The piano is electronic. The house was always too small for an upright. The house was always too small for a lot of things. Maybe that's why Bruce moved out and never came back. Maybe the house is too small for any of us to be who we are.
► But now it's been so long that if I bring it up, I'll look like a girl who can't let go of things. Teenage girls always have to let go of things. If we bring up anything, people say we're bitches who can't just drop it.
► [Sarah's mum:] I never get to listen. I never get to stop and figure out this puzzle. I don't have a table big enough to fit the puzzle.
If I could listen to the quiet for just a day. If I could listen closely to the quiet for just an hour, I could figure everything out. I'd make a plan. I'd know what to do.
A complete stranger looked at me today and said, "You are living a lie, Helen."
Why did it take a complete stranger to get me to hear this? The noise. The noise. The noise.
► I don't know why I'm sorry. I don't know why I'm scared to make my mother angry. My emotions are smaller than they should be. I'm the one who should be angry, but I'm cranky or upset. As if a sixteen-year-old can't be angry for real.
► Look. This isn't a temper tantrum. I'm not some teenager you can blow off because you made a myth about teenagers being dramatic. You go work hard on something you love. And you find it in the trash like it's garbage. Tell me how you feel. Tell me what's missing when you're done. I can tell you what's missing. You. You are missing.
question that my dad would’ve loved to discuss: what’s the right moral choice in a multiverse? What good was it to make the right choice in this one if somewhere else I made the wrong one? Did they cancel each other out, or was it the average of all choices, the ‘sum over histories,’ that determined if you were a good person or not?
I went back to the Duke for an answer: we can only live in one at a time, and try to make the best choices there and then.
T
TALK (KATHE KOJA)
THROWAWAY GIRLS (ANDREA CONTOS)
► It’s easy to forget there’s a world beyond what you grew up in.
Maybe it’s because of the slowness of youth. How days last weeks, summers an eternity of scabbed knees and dirt-covered feet, powered by the sun that becomes a dictator of the sky. But every year the world spins a little faster and seconds shave off each minute until eternities are mere moments we forgot to enjoy.
Those early years though, maybe they pass slower so we can build our view of the world. We creep through the passage of time so we can take in the details, constructing the size of our stage, our main characters, our antagonist. By the time we assume our role, the lights are down, the curtain set to be drawn. Once we’re in the play, it’s too late to change the stage.
► That’s the other thing people on the outside can’t see. Finding a new stage means leaving your cast members behind. They may not be much, but they were there for you, weren’t they? They understood when others couldn’t. With them, you aren’t a fraud trying to fit into a world that will always be foreign. And those people on the outside, the ones who shake their heads and wonder why we all just don’t leave the theater — they don’t understand the doors are locked. Not just from the outside. From the inside too.
► Our truths change. They stretch and split as we grow, the shedding of them leaving us raw and exposed. If we’re lucky, we’re surrounded by love in those moments when our tender flesh is still rebuilding. If we’re not, we grow scars.
TORN (ROBIN WASSERMAN)
You don't see me.
► Here's the thing about perfect kisses.
They're worth crap.
Fun, maybe. But it's not like they mean anything. All that melting into another person, lips fusing, souls meeting, romantic garbage? Trust me, your soul is not sitting in your tongue, waiting to take an all-expenses-paid vacation into some loser's mouth.
You want a metric that matters, a way to measure exactly how much of a person belongs to you?
Try the perfect hug.
► Did every relationship turn into a cliché? I resented the triteness of it almost as much as I resented the girl on the bed.
► But relationships had been different when I was an org. Even when it was someone who'd barely mattered, there'd been a need, a charge beneath the surface when we were together, a vacuum when we were apart. Reasoning was beside the point. The point was the fever, needing the weight of his arms around you, needing flesh, needing to crawl inside him, to lose everything, even yourself - especially yourself - in the joining of body to body, skin to skin.
It was different now, because I was different now. The body was a body, and, for all pratical purposes, it was a rental. It didn't come equipped with needs. I wanted, but that was different. That was in my head, and was rational [...].
► But gradually, the meaning became clear, and as I took in the words, the laboratory transformed itself in my imagination. I saw vats of clear fluid lining the walls, and suspended inside of them, gray, pulpy masses with wires snaking in and out. Brains, isolated and nurtured, synapses firing, alive and dead all at once. Imprisoned. I saw a mad scientist's laboratory, death defied, life abominated, nature possessed. I saw myself, and I saw the men who owned me.
I saw the machines. And they were real.
► Pride, dignity - invisible things, imaginary things, like the self, like the soul. They distort reality; they get in the way. But they still matter.
[...] We had died and come back to life; we were copies who'd found realities in each other. We were machines who'd found love. The circumstances were extraordinary. How could the end be so damn ordinary?
► Deleted.
Not dead.
Not gone.
Delete. Verb, meaning: to eradicate, obliterate, wipe away.
To expunge. To remove.
To erase.
It had been erased.
It, the file, the ones and zeros that had comprised a life.
► "You shouldn't have come," he whispered.
I didn't say anything.
"I hate you," he said.
I put my arms around him, and he let me, and, dry-eyed and heartless and mechanical, we held each other up.
► So what do you do?
What do you do when there's nothing to do next? When it's over, when whatever rage and panic drove you from one moment to the next disappears, and there's no more must do this, must go there, must save him?
[...] What do you do when today ends and you know tomorrow will open on a world in which he's dead? Tomorrow and tomorrow and tomorrow, until he's a thing that once happened, a thing you used to know.
People use words like "unthinkable". But what do you do when the unthinkable happens, and refusing to believe it won't bring him back?
How can anything seem unthinkable anymore, when you're a machine, a living impossibility, a stack of memories in a head-shaped box, when you, the real you, died almost two years ago, just like he did?
How could you be stupid enough to forget that the unthinkable happens all the time?
Happens to you.
U
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► [Mr.Peterson:] "I don't wan't to be upgraded. I don't want to become one of those things. I want to remember my son. If you want to give up, become one of them because it's easier, then go ahead. But difficult is good. It's what makes us human."
► My room was stripped bare.
Stripped right back to the wallpaper.
Nothing of me remained there.
In just a few short hours I had been carefully Photoshopped out of my own family.
Out of my own life.
► In darker moments I wonder how many have gone before us, previous versions, skipping upgrades and being forgotten by everyone.
Living.
Surviving.
Having families and carrying on their outdated lives.
Generation after generation hanging on, still here, unseen by even the 0.4.
The 0.3.
The 0.2.
The 0.1.
I wonder if they are here too, forgotten as each new version overwrites the old. I wonder if we share this world with the direct descendants of Neanderthals, Homo Erectus, protohumans. I wonder if they are still here, just hidden from view by the algorithms and code of our programmers.
I think it's likely, but it brings little comfort to know that there are others like us.
If anything, it makes it worse.
We're not unique.
We're just another layer of junk in the landfill of upgraded humanity.
► Our world is the world that exists in the crack of yours. We can look out through those cracks and see you, but you see us only rarely, out of the corner of your eye, for the briefest of instants, and then we're gone.
When your world moved on, it left us right here.
And you forgot about us.
But.
WE ARE STILL HERE.
Forgotten? Yes.
Unimportant? No.
Because we know the truth about you.
About the way things were.
About the way things changed.
About the way things are.
It doesn't tell you how to think.
► I think that the Link itself is born from nothing more than a pressing need for us to connect. It's part of an instinct to reach out and share information, no matter how trivial or dull, just so we can feel like we are a part of a group, a set, a community.
We need to feel like we belong.
The Link provides us with all the connections we need. So much so that we pretty much let it run our lives for us now.
It's how we make sense of the world. So we look for patterns and linkages, because without them the world is a senseless blur.
Never mind that most of the time we're linking up with people we'll never actually meet: sharing memories and secrets and updates with strangers just so we don't have to feel so alone in the world, just so we can connect, even if the connection doesn't really mean anything at all.
And then, just today, I discover that everything is connected anyway.
► The Naylor silos - where Annette Birnie finally learned to fit in, and it only cost her her humanity.
► At the end of the tunnel was another crater, a pit sunk even deeper into the earth.
Deeper and deeper into the underworld.
The geography of despair.
where did you get the 1.4 quotes from? do you know the page? I've been looking for it for ages but i cant find it (the quote where he explains the link) if you could help me that would be wonderful, thank you so much! I'm not actually sure if you can comment back because I've never commented anything but i hope this goes through :)
ReplyDeleteHi,
Deletethe link quote is from ch. 14 (pp. 229-230) in the Egmont edition (the one with the alternate title The Future We Left Behind).
Thanks for visiting!