Hi sweeties,
and in case you celebrate...Happy Easter! 🐰
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| I was DYING to have an excuse to post this gif LOL |
This is one of those posts. You know, those where I rant and vent out and basically acknowledge that my life is shit and I can't do a damned thing about it. I wish I could say that I'll try to keep it short, if not sweet, but what are the odds? LOL.
(BTW, I was supposed to post a new installment in my Tooting Your Trumpet series today, except all the posts I had lined up seem to have made the rounds on everyone else's blogs already, so why bother? 🤷♀️ All but Lissa's excellent ones about digital art - or traditional and digital art combo - completed with tips, which, if you're interested in the topic, can be found here and here).
So, brace yourselves for the rant/vent...
- 💊 HEALTH. My latest doppler ultrasound (five weeks ago) showed signs of healing in the thrombosis area, and my latest bloodwork (one month ago) came out exponentially better than the previous one. I have new checkups this month. Here's hoping the trend stays positive, also because right now, this is the only good thing that's going on in my life...
- 📱 TECH UPGRADE. After the health scare, I caved in and bought a cell phone - in case I'm less lucky next time and have to get hospitalised...It's a very basic model (not a smartphone) and I'm still NOT using it for now LOL - I think I did twice in two months (also, I HAVEN'T told my boss I have one and I never will!!!). My ringtone is Carry On Wayward Son by The Kansas, because of Supernatural of course. The only problem is, every time I hear that song, it gets stuck in my head and I have to SING it for hours haha.
- 😷 CORONA UPDATE. Most Italian regions are in total lockdown again, mine included (for another two weeks *sighs*). Vaccines are SLOOOOOW. I don't have a clue when my turn will come, and to be honest, I'm starting to freak out a little because of the AstraZeneca mishap. I don't need another embolism, thank you. (Though since I'm on bloodthinners, I probably wouldn't be eligible for that one anyhow. It's still unclear...). Also, I'm royally pissed off at all those people who go on disregarding the mask mandate (at least when they can get away with it) and doing their usual business as if nothing had been happening FOR A WHOLE DAMNED YEAR. They're the reason why we are in this mess. Aaaaargh, I want to punch their unmasked noses.
- 🎤 WORK. Lo and behold, I've been on wages guarantee funds again - from March 15th until today (to be precise, like the previous times, I've been working two days out of five). This week I'm going back to working normal hours, then I'll be on vacation from Monday 12th to Sunday 18th...and then...I'll probably be put on WGF for three more weeks.
- 🏠 HOUSEWORK. Despite being on WGF, and contrary to what happened last year, I've accomplished NOTHING. I can never seem to muster the time and energy. So the house is a total mess and I hate it and I feel guilty, except there's no guilt to be having when your situation is as complicated as mine (= partially disabled husband with a ton of other problems) and you can't take care of everything alone (while still keeping your blog going on top of that because it's the only outlet/good thing you have). But guilty or not, I can't live like this...except I can't NOT live like this, because as I said, I can never seem to muster the time and energy to do what needs to be done. It's a catch-22 and it's eating at me.
- 📖 HOMEWORK. Remember that alleged 2022 exam I wanted to take? HAHAHA. Who was I kidding. I had barely started studying, and then the whole health debacle happened, and then I was like...when should I study, exactly? in the same spans of time when I'm NOT cleaning the house? or should I give up blogging and reading for a year, disappear on everyone and bury myself in the exam material...and make my life even more miserable than it already is? and for what? I can't compete with the young and the stress-free. All that stuff will never stay in my head. I'm old, and I'm tired, and everything around me is hopeless. My involvement in the aforementioned exam feels simultaneously like the only chance I may have left and something that can't happen in the real world. I haven't officially given up on it, but this is where it's heading...So I'm stuck with this stupid, low-income job until it lasts, and I have to count each and every euro, and...what about when me and the hubs retire? (if the radio station where I work doesn't go bankrupt first, because uh - corona ate most of our advertising revenue).
- 📚 BLOGGING. OK, that's the only other thing that doesn't suck right now, along with my health. I've managed to stay on schedule, though sometimes I didn't even want to read my review books (yeah, the very ones I requested because they sounded awesome and I was dying to get my hands on them, if virtually), and I only felt like reading the ones I bought/was gifted instead, half of which are still sitting in a pile on my nightstand. Anyhow, right now I only have two reviews and another post to write, and then I'll be covered until June 7th, and for a while I'll be able to read for pleasure only. I'm also proud of having managed to stay on top of my comments, though I could do better...but, see "HOME" above. At least I'm touching base with all of you, if not consistently...
OK, that's it for now. Sorry for being such a downer...again. I hope you're in better spirits than me - and all reading fantastic books, that goes without saying. How has 2021 treated you so far?
Oh Roberta, I'm so sorry to hear about all this crap going on. I'm glad that your health is looking up, but if your spirits aren't there then it can still be such a hard time. I hope you know that we're all here for you and I'm sending you virtual hugs! It's healthy to rant, don't feel like you need to keep it all in.
ReplyDeleteI AM sorry to be ranting and venting so much, but this is the only place where I can do it AND be heard...Thank you hon! 💚
DeleteIt's good to rant/vent once in a while. It's good to get all the things that are stressing you out so that they don't live inside you getting bigger and bigger until you implode. My daughter has been a huge help to me over this past year. Covid has just made everything all the more stressful. If you ever need to talk, just reach out to me.
ReplyDeleteI might implode all the same out of sheer frustration...but really, having you guys to talk to is a huge help. I know you've had it rough too, especially because of what happened to Ken. I'm glad you have your daughter to help you at least. And thank you! Same here 🙂.
DeleteI think these days it's okay to slack on some things. I let the dust settle sometimes just because I don't want to clean. I think just having clean dishes and clean laundry is quite enough.
ReplyDeleteIt's hard to keep a smile these days. I'm kind of sorry I don't have any wisdom to depart to you to make your day better. But I think venting does a person good. No one should keep the bad stuff inside, wouldn't want it to fester and turn into something ugly.
I hope you'll be in better spirit real soon.
Have a lovely day.
"I let the dust settle sometimes just because I don't want to clean. I think just having clean dishes and clean laundry is quite enough."
DeleteOne feels like rebelling against the things that "have" to be done sometimes, uh? Even when you aren't overwhelmed by those things like I am. The problem is, my own dust is ancient by now 😟. I can never win this fight, so I just give up sometimes. Except there's no one else but me, so I have to pick up the fight again eventually...
"I'm kind of sorry I don't have any wisdom to depart to you to make your day better".
That was really nice of you to say, but don't worry about imparting wisdom - I don't expect anyone to have a magical solutions to my problems. Having people who listen and sympathise is enough for me. Thank you for being one of them 💛. Have a lovely day yourself!
The health news was good. Sorry about everything else. ((HUGS)) I think you should keep the reading and blogging if it makes you happy. That's my two cents.
ReplyDeleteI don't plan on leaving them anytime soon...but it's complicated. It's not even like I can scale back, because I'm already doing the bare minimum. I still think you're a superhero for being able to check all the boxes in your life!
Delete"HAVEN'T told my boss I have one and I never will" probably wise if they're anything like bosses here lol. I know several people who are basically on call at any time at home due to their work issues phone. ridiculous.
ReplyDeleteCarry On- such a good song, and definitely an earworm. Absolutely fabulous ring tone though. :)
Yikes about Covid. I share your frustrations though- cases are on the rise here too and there are SO many people just doing whatever, out and about. If it weren't for masks you wouldn't know there was a pandemic. and in my state cases are BAD again. I heard about the Astra Zeneca thing too- eek.
"I'm old, and I'm tired, and everything around me is hopeless." Aww sending you all the virtual support and good vibes. Hang in there! I'm glad you're sticking with the blogging because I've enjoyed discovering your blog and you're a regular stop. Know that you are appreciated!
I know my blog keeps me sane/ happy so I hope you continue as well. Anyway take care and I hope you have a good week!
"cases are on the rise here too and there are SO many people just doing whatever, out and about".
DeleteI can't wrap my head around it...like...don't they want life to go back to normal for good? What is it - the thrill of rebelling...and running the risk to get sick? I'm sorry you're in the same boat as me. Our last hope are vaccinations...if they work, AND if enough people take them...which is another big "if".
"Know that you are appreciated!"
Every time someone uses the word "appreciated" I tear up. Thank you! You too! Have a good week as well 🧡.
So happy to hear that your health is improving, lovely! Fingers crossed for more good results. 💛 Haha, an excellent choice in ringtones! Don't be so hard on yourself, sweetface. My productivity is way down too, despite also having fewer hours at work. You're having health issues during what is already a very difficult time, mentally and emotionally. Nobody is running their A-game right now, unless they're in denial. Please don't give up on reading, even if you decide you need a break from blogging. You need something for your mental health. I'm always here if you need to talk.
ReplyDeleteOur regulations are lifting here, ahead of advisement, of course, so we'll probably be seeing another surge. The people who haven't acknowledged there's a pandemic going on continue to do so. It's like we haven't learned anything at all in the past year. Everyone in my household has had their first vaccination shot though, and I'm frankly staggered at how organized it all is for a government operation. I was in and out in about twenty minutes, fifteen of them a self-monitored waiting to see if there was an allergic reaction. No side effects though, other than a manageable bit of soreness and general fatigue.
"Please don't give up on reading, even if you decide you need a break from blogging. You need something for your mental health. I'm always here if you need to talk."
DeleteYou know I won't do either, don't you? 😉 whatever I decide to do with my studies. And thank you...though I already talk to you plenty LOL. You might regret you offered (just kidding!).
I'm so glad you and your family were able to get vaccinated. With all the assholes going around as if these were normal times, it's the only way out of this we have...
You've got so much going on Roberta - I'm happy that your body seems to be healing nicely too! I know it's such a hard time to think about school/education. I'm sending balancing power to you and hope you take many mental health days!
ReplyDelete"Balancing power" sounds nice LOL. Thank you!
DeleteGlad your health stuff is going well at least. I didn't realize you didn't have a cell phone. Lol about the ringtone! I feel you about the messy house problem. Ugh, I'm sorry so many things are so tough for you right now ❤️ I hope some more things start looking up for you soon!
ReplyDeleteI hate cellphones...the fact that you have to be traceable at all hours...I only bought one for the reason stated above, and I never turn it on LOL. Anyway, only my husband and my parents have my number.
Delete"I hope some more things start looking up for you soon!"
Thank you! 💚
I worry about astra too cos I have had low..whatevers. I hope we get other ones. And like you, when? Fall? Sooooo slowly.
ReplyDeletePeople protested in the south against masks and I am all, srsly? You are practically demonstrating cos you can't visit the pub, eeejits
I understand the frustration of those who have been losing money since last March because they couldn't keep their shops open, or even got to the point of having to close them for good. But people who only whine because they can't "visit the pub" and in the meantime don't do shit to help things go back to normal (as in, using masks and vaccinating)? Grow up.
DeleteOh hey twinsies with my mom! Except with 3G towers getting shut down and all here, my mom's actually getting an upgrade with my old phone (which IS a smartphone and makes sense she's getting my current since well... if she breaks it somehow at least it's not new), lol. You'll lose your phone twin from across the pond soon. 😔
ReplyDeleteI hope things continue looking up for your health! Honestly, 2020 and 2021 hasn't been kind to you at all (well for a lot of us) - I'm sorry this year continues to beat you endlessly. 😕
And I've heard about the vaccine issues... they've recently opened up for everyone in my state but I think it'll be a hot minute before I actually get an appointment in unless I want to travel really far... (which considering my mom hates highways, she would prefer not but fair enough because drivers here are quite concerning). I hope the other vaccines will be available in Italy soon!
HELLO AGAIN ROBERTA
"I'm sorry this year continues to beat you endlessly. 😕"
DeleteYep, that's what it does...Thank you my friend! It's time for things to start looking up (for everyone of us, really). Maybe if we scream high enough...
Wait, you can't get the vaccine where you live (or near it)?! What the actual heck? As for "the other vaccines", they ARE available here (in small doses 🙄), but they originally weren't to be used for my age range. Except now AZ is being recommended for people aged 60+ because it should be less dangerous for them in terms of blood cloths (and...my husband just turned 60 😧).
Sorry to hear about your health problems *hugs*
ReplyDeleteHow have you managed without a phone for this long?! I have an old phone of my brothers, which is several generations behind 'the latest' smartphone, but people still think I live in the stone age when they realise! My mother has a non-smartphone, but we tease her and say it's a burner phone ;)
"Sorry to hear about your health problems *hugs*"
DeleteThank you!
Haha, I would live nicely without a cell phone, but nowadays you're expected to have one (not to mention there aren't phone boots anymore). Everything you do (like getting a credit or debit card) requires a phone, and I have been relying on my husband's so far.
"I have an old phone of my brothers, which is several generations behind 'the latest' smartphone, but people still think I live in the stone age when they realise!"
Dumbasses LOL. Seriously, peer pressure about getting modern phones now...big NOPE.
I am sorry things have been so hard for you lately! The vaccine roll out is frustratingly slow here in the netherlands as well and I am fed up of it, even if I am not going to be getting mine for ages due to age. I hope you manage through the new lockdown. Honestly, it's okay to not have the energy for housework sometimes. I'm glad your health seems to be on the up for now and that you have a phone just in case. Sending love your way <3
ReplyDelete"The vaccine roll out is frustratingly slow here in the netherlands as well".
DeleteUgh. Europe is so late on everything. I hope things will speed up for both of our countries soon! Also, there's the whole Astra Zeneca mess, and now the J&J one...
"Sending love your way <3"
Thank you! 🧡
I'm so late to this post, but I've been terrible at blog-hopping. Even answering our own comments on the blog took me such a long time, I'm not sure why. :/ In any case, I'm very sorry life hasn't been treating you well, but I'm glad about the positive health news!! 😃 Try to give yourself a break over housework, even the most basic tasks can be hard right now, especially with all that you've been going through.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry vaccination isn't going fast enough. We've had a lot of trouble with vaccines too, I'm just thankful my parents are vaccinated already. There's so much uncertainty with the vaccines, especially as we also use the Russian Sputnik V and the Chinese Sinopharm vaccines. :/
I'm so angry at people! It seems like most people have decided that they don't care anymore and they refuse to follow even the most basic rules. During the last 1-2 weeks we had 200+, sometimes nearly 300, deaths per day, which is A LOT, especially in such a small country. Yet, despite masks being mandatory, whenever I went out to go to the shop about 80% of those I met refused to wear a mask outside. (They do put it on when they head into shops, so there's that at least.) I'm just so tired and disheartened. I honestly hate people more than I ever did before, lol.
Sending love, hugs, and all the David Tennant gifs. 🧡
"Even answering our own comments on the blog took me such a long time, I'm not sure why. :/"
DeleteI'm sure you're stressed about uni and...all the rest. Don't be hard on yourself 💛.
"Try to give yourself a break over housework, even the most basic tasks can be hard right now, especially with all that you've been going through."
Eh...more often than not I do the bare minimum, so less than that? LOL. Alas, the house's on me. I have to woman up.
"There's so much uncertainty with the vaccines, especially as we also use the Russian Sputnik V and the Chinese Sinopharm vaccines. :/"
Uh. We don't have those - it's only been Pfizer, Astra Zeneca (that might be retired) and Moderna so far. I hope they work smoothly! At least your parents are out of the woods already.
"It seems like most people have decided that they don't care anymore and they refuse to follow even the most basic rules. During the last 1-2 weeks we had 200+, sometimes nearly 300, deaths per day, which is A LOT, especially in such a small country."
It is! I don't know what people are thinking. If it wasn't for such idiots, I bet we would be near the finishing line after a year and counting...I hate people too. When the pandemic started everyone was like "we're all in this together, it will be all right, let's serenade one another from the balconies"...Fucking hypocrites. Well, let's keep our spirits up nevertheless...something's got to give 💚.
Love, hugs and Tennant gifs received! 😁 😘