The Usual Mess

 Hi sweeties,

and in case you celebrate...Happy Easter! 🐰

I was DYING to have an excuse to post this gif LOL

This is one of those posts. You know, those where I rant and vent out and basically acknowledge that my life is shit and I can't do a damned thing about it. I wish I could say that I'll try to keep it short, if not sweet, but what are the odds? LOL.

(BTW, I was supposed to post a new installment in my Tooting Your Trumpet series today, except all the posts I had lined up seem to have made the rounds on everyone else's blogs already, so why bother? 🤷‍♀️ All but Lissa's excellent ones about digital art - or traditional and digital art combo - completed with tips, which, if you're interested in the topic, can be found here and here).

So, brace yourselves for the rant/vent...

• 💊 HEALTH. My latest doppler ultrasound (five weeks ago) showed signs of healing in the thrombosis area, and my latest bloodwork (one month ago) came out exponentially better than the previous one. I have new checkups this month. Here's hoping the trend stays positive, also because right now, this is the only good thing that's going on in my life...
• 📱 TECH UPGRADE. After the health scare, I caved in and bought a cell phone - in case I'm less lucky next time and have to get hospitalised...It's a very basic model (not a smartphone) and I'm still NOT using it for now LOL - I think I did twice in two months (also, I HAVEN'T told my boss I have one and I never will!!!). My ringtone is Carry On Wayward Son by The Kansas, because of Supernatural of course. The only problem is, every time I hear that song, it gets stuck in my head and I have to SING it for hours haha. 
• 😷 CORONA UPDATE. Most Italian regions are in total lockdown again, mine included (for another two weeks *sighs*). Vaccines are SLOOOOOW. I don't have a clue when my turn will come, and to be honest, I'm starting to freak out a little because of the AstraZeneca mishap. I don't need another embolism, thank you. (Though since I'm on bloodthinners, I probably wouldn't be eligible for that one anyhow. It's still unclear...). Also, I'm royally pissed off at all those people who go on disregarding the mask mandate (at least when they can get away with it) and doing their usual business as if nothing had been happening FOR A WHOLE DAMNED YEAR. They're the reason why we are in this mess. Aaaaargh, I want to punch their unmasked noses.
• 🎤 WORK. Lo and behold, I've been on wages guarantee funds again - from March 15th until today (to be precise, like the previous times, I've been working two days out of five). This week I'm going back to working normal hours, then I'll be on vacation from Monday 12th to Sunday 18th...and then...I'll probably be put on WGF for three more weeks.
• 🏠 HOUSEWORK. Despite being on WGF, and contrary to what happened last year, I've accomplished NOTHING. I can never seem to muster the time and energy. So the house is a total mess and I hate it and I feel guilty, except there's no guilt to be having when your situation is as complicated as mine (= partially disabled husband with a ton of other problems) and you can't take care of everything alone (while still keeping your blog going on top of that because it's the only outlet/good thing you have). But guilty or not, I can't live like this...except I can't NOT live like this, because as I said, I can never seem to muster the time and energy to do what needs to be done. It's a catch-22 and it's eating at me.
• 📖 HOMEWORK. Remember that alleged 2022 exam I wanted to take? HAHAHA. Who was I kidding. I had barely started studying, and then the whole health debacle happened, and then I was like...when should I study, exactly? in the same spans of time when I'm NOT cleaning the house? or should I give up blogging and reading for a year, disappear on everyone and bury myself in the exam material...and make my life even more miserable than it already is? and for what? I can't compete with the young and the stress-free. All that stuff will never stay in my head. I'm old, and I'm tired, and everything around me is hopeless. My involvement in the aforementioned exam feels simultaneously like the only chance I may have left and something that can't happen in the real world. I haven't officially given up on it, but this is where it's heading...So I'm stuck with this stupid, low-income job until it lasts, and I have to count each and every euro, and...what about when me and the hubs retire? (if the radio station where I work doesn't go bankrupt first, because uh - corona ate most of our advertising revenue).
• 📚 BLOGGING. OK, that's the only other thing that doesn't suck right now, along with my health. I've managed to stay on schedule, though sometimes I didn't even want to read my review books (yeah, the very ones I requested because they sounded awesome and I was dying to get my hands on them, if virtually), and I only felt like reading the ones I bought/was gifted instead, half of which are still sitting in a pile on my nightstand. Anyhow, right now I only have two reviews and another post to write, and then I'll be covered until June 7th, and for a while I'll be able to read for pleasure only. I'm also proud of having managed to stay on top of my comments, though I could do better...but, see "HOME" above. At least I'm touching base with all of you, if not consistently...

OK, that's it for now. Sorry for being such a downer...again. I hope you're in better spirits than me - and all reading fantastic books, that goes without saying. How has 2021 treated you so far?